Is Anybody Listening?

I've often wondered what spurred people to empty the contents of their entire lives onto social media. Today a thought occured to me: maybe people do it because they know that's the only way someone will really listen to what they have to say.  Think about it. If you walk up to someone and start talking they can be zoning you out or reciting the alphabet quietly to themselves while you speak unbeknownst to you.  However, if you write a blog, someone has to go to your site and personally choose to read what you have written. That means that they care what you have to say, and even more so if they decide to respond.  There is nothing like communicating with someone and having them actually give a crap about how you feel, what you're going through, and what you're up to.

Have you ever seen a Facebook scenario similar to this:
Alice writes, "Fml. What a dreary day."
Jennifer writes, "Oh no, Alice! What happened?"
Karen writes, "Who's messing with you, girl? Don't make me have to come down there."
Then underneath Karen's comment you see 30 more comments all trying to figure out what's going on with Alice.

In regular life, how often do we walk past our coworkers or family members and ask how are you doing as a formality, only to walk away before the answer is even given?  Somehow in the virtual world people begin to show compassion and become concerned with other people's lives.  I've learned more about people I thought I knew via Facebook than real interactions with them.  Why is that?

Though I don't plan to divulge my social security number, menstrual cycle and other intimate details on the Internet, I can say that having this blog is having a therapeutic effect on me.  I can get my thoughts out without having to say them aloud. I can release frustrations, joys, and whatever else I feel.  Lastly, I know that if you're here you truly came to listen.  That is priceless.

In The Words of TLC: What About Your Friends?

Recently a friend of mine was contemplating terminating a relationship with a longtime friend but wasn't sure what to do.  I asked my friend, "If you met her today, would you be her friend?"  My friend didn't understand the question so I explained a little further.  Basically, what I was asking is being the person you are today and knowing in advance the person she is today, would you still choose to befriend her, or are you holding on to the person she used to be and the person you used to be? Besides compatibility and shared values, I believe that a key component of a good relationship is the ability to grow and change with each other for the better.  That goes for platonic relationships, intimate relationships, family relationships, professional relationships - you get the idea.

Ever since I graduated from college, I've been unsatisfied with a lot of my relationships with people and I couldn't figure out why. Later on that evening I thought about how the question related to my own life. I tend to give my friends good advice and not have the courage enough to use it myself.  So I took a personal inventory of my current relationships and for each individual I asked myself what I asked my friend earlier that day.  I realized that I haven't been happy because some of the people that I have allowed to linger in my life are not compatible with who I am today.  I have changed greatly as a person over the past 5 years, and I can no longer find commonalities with them outside of attending the same school, knowing the same people, or liking the same foods.  A relationship should provide some type of benefit to all the parties involved, and for awhile now I've been feeling all strain and no gain.

Luckily, there are a few who I can say have grown and changed alongside me and I would jump at the chance to be their friend a million times over.  In those relationships, our friendship is not solely continuing because of how long we've known each other, but rather enhanced by how long we've known each other and can still relate in the present. Our conversations can extend past elevator topics like the weather, what we ate for lunch, or what we did at work that day. This exercise was really helpful for me in taking stock of the company that I keep and how to prioritize with whom I spend my time.  Time for some spring cleaning.

My older brother always tells me to surround myself with people that I would want to be like.  A quote that I recently read worded my brother's sentiments even better by saying, "If I associate with chickens, I will learn to scratch at the ground and squabble over crumbs.  If I associate with eagles, I will learn to soar at great heights."  All systems go. I'm ready to fly.

When Keepin' It Real Goes Wrong...

If I am truly honest with myself, I can admit that I have played the victim for many years.  To make matters worse, I wasn’t even aware that I had auditioned for and gotten the part.  I would call it by another name – being realistic.   Whether it was in regard to pursuing singing, getting a job, entering a fulfilling relationship, or saving up an emergency fund, I always had a reason as to why it couldn’t happen for me. The problem with rational reasoning is that one can find a reason in support of or against just about any topic in the world – and guess what? They would all have valid points.

In order to achieve your dreams, I believe that you have to look beyond what is immediately realistic.   In a motivational YouTube video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaRqr7oQ2bo) about how to lead an extraordinary life, Will Smith states, “Being realistic is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity.”  If you focus on what others have not been able to achieve or how many times that you have failed at something, you essentially limit your own future potential to the limitations of others and past failures.  In order to obtain new results, you must forge new realities and use your imagination.  History tells us that people used to believe that the world was flat.  The belief was that if you sailed far enough you would just drop off of the face of the earth.  Can you imagine what the world would be like if no one dared to think outside of that belief? Europeans would possibly not have discovered the Americas. Can you imagine if people only left flying to birds and other winged creatures?  No spring breaks in Cancun. Everything that is now possible and taken for granted was once thought impossible at some point in time: the Internet, ATM machines, a Black man as a U.S. president, automobiles, sustainable fire, etc.

Life was very different for me during my role as the victim.  I didn’t believe that I could effect any amount of change in my life, and therefore I did not.  I let life happen to me and others make my decisions for me.  The moment that I decided that I both could and would take the reins of my own life, mountains began to move.  If someone asked me years ago if I thought that I would have a bachelor’s degree, master’s degree, and a CPA license before I turned age 25, I would’ve told them they were a ridiculous person.  I’m glad that I pushed myself past immediate reality. Shoot for the stars, and if you land on the moon, you’ve still left the earth. 

Peace and God bless.

Life In Your 20s

People always say that your 20s are the best years of your life.  Allegedly, it is the period of your life where the world is your oyster and real responsibility can still be put off for a few years.  It is the time when many graduate from college, begin their careers, travel the world, marry, leech off of their parents, or whatever else their hearts desire.  While I don’t disagree that one’s 20s are an exciting time, I do believe that not much light is shed on the confusion of being in your 20s.

One thing that I didn’t expect to feel after graduating from college was a sense of no direction.  In high school, my direction was clear – get good grades, perform exceptionally well on the SATs, and get a scholarship for college.  Summer internships became my focus in college, as I majored in accounting and I knew that it was the way to get a full-time job offer at the top accounting firms.  Once I secured a job offer, my next goal was to obtain a master’s degree as well as my CPA license.  The problem arose after all the above goals were accomplished.  I didn’t know what to do next.   I had accomplished a young accountant’s dream, but I didn’t feel fulfilled. I realized that I had only set those goals because they were the goals that were spoon-fed to the students in Business School.  You see, my actual passions have always been writing and music.  Both passions were deemed utterly ridiculous by my parents and I was instructed to pick a “useful” major with which I could obtain a “real job” after college.  Accounting ended up being the major I chose.  I figured if I was going to be an accounting major I should go all the way with it.  Thus, I adopted the goals that my professors said a student that wished to be a successful accountant should have.  I believed that with time I would be able to make myself love accounting, but that was not the case.

 I hated going to work every morning, but I didn’t know what do alternatively. I felt lost.  While my job didn’t arouse a sense of excitement within me, it did arouse the paying of my bills.  I didn’t want to be stupid and quit my job to sing for dollars on street corners while simultaneously moving my vehicle every few hours to avoid the repo man just because I loved music.  I was stumped about how to incorporate what I love to do into my daily life.  There was no Accountants Who Actually Want to Write and Sing for a Living 101 course that I could take to find the answer.  Ultimately, I left the public accounting firm and transferred to a less hectic nonprofit accounting job.  I made the decision because I didn’t want my education to go to waste and I also wanted to leave work while the sun was still in the sky.  While I love the place where I work, I can’t help but periodically question whether I left public accounting too soon and if I should be more ambitious. 

Another aspect of my 20s that I wasn’t prepared for was outgrowing/losing the friendships of my youth, but more on that later…