Recently a friend of mine was contemplating terminating a relationship with a longtime friend but wasn't sure what to do. I asked my friend, "If you met her today, would you be her friend?" My friend didn't understand the question so I explained a little further. Basically, what I was asking is being the person you are today and knowing in advance the person she is today, would you still choose to befriend her, or are you holding on to the person she used to be and the person you used to be? Besides compatibility and shared values, I believe that a key component of a good relationship is the ability to grow and change with each other for the better. That goes for platonic relationships, intimate relationships, family relationships, professional relationships - you get the idea.
Ever since I graduated from college, I've been unsatisfied with a lot of my relationships with people and I couldn't figure out why. Later on that evening I thought about how the question related to my own life. I tend to give my friends good advice and not have the courage enough to use it myself. So I took a personal inventory of my current relationships and for each individual I asked myself what I asked my friend earlier that day. I realized that I haven't been happy because some of the people that I have allowed to linger in my life are not compatible with who I am today. I have changed greatly as a person over the past 5 years, and I can no longer find commonalities with them outside of attending the same school, knowing the same people, or liking the same foods. A relationship should provide some type of benefit to all the parties involved, and for awhile now I've been feeling all strain and no gain.
Luckily, there are a few who I can say have grown and changed alongside me and I would jump at the chance to be their friend a million times over. In those relationships, our friendship is not solely continuing because of how long we've known each other, but rather enhanced by how long we've known each other and can still relate in the present. Our conversations can extend past elevator topics like the weather, what we ate for lunch, or what we did at work that day. This exercise was really helpful for me in taking stock of the company that I keep and how to prioritize with whom I spend my time. Time for some spring cleaning.
My older brother always tells me to surround myself with people that I would want to be like. A quote that I recently read worded my brother's sentiments even better by saying, "If I associate with chickens, I will learn to scratch at the ground and squabble over crumbs. If I associate with eagles, I will learn to soar at great heights." All systems go. I'm ready to fly.
Ever since I graduated from college, I've been unsatisfied with a lot of my relationships with people and I couldn't figure out why. Later on that evening I thought about how the question related to my own life. I tend to give my friends good advice and not have the courage enough to use it myself. So I took a personal inventory of my current relationships and for each individual I asked myself what I asked my friend earlier that day. I realized that I haven't been happy because some of the people that I have allowed to linger in my life are not compatible with who I am today. I have changed greatly as a person over the past 5 years, and I can no longer find commonalities with them outside of attending the same school, knowing the same people, or liking the same foods. A relationship should provide some type of benefit to all the parties involved, and for awhile now I've been feeling all strain and no gain.
Luckily, there are a few who I can say have grown and changed alongside me and I would jump at the chance to be their friend a million times over. In those relationships, our friendship is not solely continuing because of how long we've known each other, but rather enhanced by how long we've known each other and can still relate in the present. Our conversations can extend past elevator topics like the weather, what we ate for lunch, or what we did at work that day. This exercise was really helpful for me in taking stock of the company that I keep and how to prioritize with whom I spend my time. Time for some spring cleaning.
My older brother always tells me to surround myself with people that I would want to be like. A quote that I recently read worded my brother's sentiments even better by saying, "If I associate with chickens, I will learn to scratch at the ground and squabble over crumbs. If I associate with eagles, I will learn to soar at great heights." All systems go. I'm ready to fly.
"or liking the same foods"- Yes it is essential to have people to go to Red Lobster with. Unfortunately, there are times when one must leave red lobster and partake in other activities. It's better if those friends that one can eat with at Red Lobster are also good companions elsewhere, if not, then I too recommend a serious spring cleaning!
ReplyDeleteLol that you know the shared love of Red Lobster is a mandatory prerequisite to my friendships.
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